I remember being told when I was young that "you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family." But as I have grown older I learned that in fact you can choose your family. The friends that you have chosen become your family.
Four and a half years when I started college as a lonely and scared freshman I had no idea that within the next 4 years I would meet the most amazing group of people. I had no idea that the friendships I would invest myself in would teach me so much about life, love, and happiness. In only 4 years, people I had never known before became my family. I was able to spend this past weekend with a good few of my best friends from college and realized how often I take these friendship for granted, how little I say thank you and how big of a roll they have played in me becoming the woman I am today.
It was a bit daunting moving away after college to a city where I knew no one and trying to make friends because deep down I know that I have some of the best friends that I could ever ask for. I have friends that I consider my family. They are the friends I know that I can call no matter what time of day it is. They are people who will be standing next to me on my wedding day (whenever that may be...). They are the people I will be know and aunts and uncles to my children one day, and hopefully our children will be best friends. They are the type of friends who decide last minute to fly in to surprise you for your birthday. I know that their home is always open to me. I don't have to worry about their new friends replacing me. They have seen me at my best and my worse. No matter what happens they are always there to love and support me. They are my family, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Recently I have been thinking a lot about how we measure success. Growing up, we spend years in school, 16 in total between school and college, and even more if you go to graduate school. That is at least 16 years of our life where success is measure by how well we do on a test, how many A are on our report card, what our GPA is or whether or not we make the Dean's list. We strive to be told by others that we are good enough and successful. In school, success is based on what either how well we know certain information and can analyze that information. We determine our success based on the grade that we are given by our teachers. It's normal that after years of this system we find it easy to rely on others to tell us we are successful or not.
But what happens when you are no longer in school? What happens when you can know longer get A or a 4.0? How are you supposed to measure success when there is no scale to measure it on? The fact of the matter is that after college no one cares how many A's you got in college or whether or not you were on the Dean's list. After 16 years of relying on others to tell you how successful you are, that is what you expect to continue after college. It's all you know. The problem is that there are no A's in life, there is no report card telling you that you are successful at life.
The only person who can determine whether or not you are successful in your life is you. The only way you can get an A in life is to give yourself one. There is no formula to a successful life. Everyone has their own definition of success which only makes it fair for each person to determine their own success. I think that this is harder that it seems. It is often said that we are our own worst critics. If this is the case and we are so often putting ourselves down, how are we suppose to build ourselves up where we can call ourselves successful. As with all things we have to start small. Find the little successes in life and slowly build up. And soon enough the little successes will lead to big successes. It's important to remember that success is subjective, not objective.
This past month marked my 6 month anniversary working as a nurse. I am no longer a nursing student prepping for life after graduation. This is it, this is life after graduation. Four years of nursing school were supposed to prepare me for this moment, to teach me about what to expect when I started my first job. It's true that nursing school prepares you for life after graduation and gives you a sense of what to expect, but at the same time there are so many things that nursing school can't prepare you for, things you have to figure out on your own. Over the past 6 months I have learned a lot of things and realized at the same time that I have so much more to learn.
So, you graduate nursing school and spend weeks waking up and studying for hours to prepare for this one test that you have prepared four year for. This one test will determine whether or not you get to be a nurse and add the coveted RN to the end of your name. Now that you have added a few letters to your name you get to actually practice as a nurse. Nothing is as daunting as finding and starting your first job. You go into work not knowing anyone or what to expect. I walked into my first few weeks at work feeling like I knew nothing and that there was always more to learn. 6 months later, I still feel like there is so much more to learn. I've been thinking a lot about what I have learned so far this year. Here is just a few things that I have learned in the past 6 months.
1. There are no stupid questions. Let's face it as much as nursing school prepares you for working as a nurse, there are a lot of things it does not prepare you for. I like to think that nursing school taught me a little bit of everything so that I have enough knowledge to get by in the real world. I realized when I started my job that there were so many things I didn't know, especially working on a specialized floor like pediatric oncology. I would find myself asking question after question to the point where I thought my coworkers would tell me to stop. During my orientation I was told by my preceptors over and over again that there is "no such thing as a stupid question." It's true, there is no stupid question because any question you are asking is for you patient. You are asking questions to insure their safety and well being. So ask questions, lots of them.
2. You are not in this alone. When you start your first job, you feel like you are alone in this world. But you are not alone. Your coworkers will become your teammates. They have been where you are, they at one point were a new nurse too. They will always have your back and be there for you when you need help giving meds, staying awake at 3 am or just a good laugh.
3. This is a messy job. Nursing is a messy job. Whether it is labor and delivery nursing, adult nursing or pediatric nursing, I can assure you that it is not the cleanest. I love my job, even in all its messiness. I look forward to going to work every day even knowing there is a possibility that I will have to clean up vomit or poop. It's not unusual for me to leave work feeling like I smell like vomit, TPN and Lipids, or tube feed formula. It's just all part of the job.
4. You never know what you are going to get. I have learned that nursing is one job where you must learn to expect the unexpected. You never know what you will walk into when you walk through those doors to the unit. Yes, you may have the same patients that you did the day before, but their health state could have taken a 180 turn in the 12 hours you were gone (for better or for worse). 12 hours is a long time, anything can happen in 12 hours. You have to be prepared for anything, always be on your toes. You must hope for the best, while being prepared for the worst.
5. Study Up. You think that after graduating from college your days of studying are over. WRONG. There is always more to know, always more to study and learn. In the past 6 months I have researched and studied different childhood cancers, chemotherapy drugs, and side effects. But now studying isn't as much of a nuisance as it was in school, maybe its because I'm learning about things that truly interest me.
6. Time Management. When you have 4 patients, who all have meds at 8 o'clock you have to learn time management. I think that this is one of the most important things that you can learn as a new nurse. If you don't know how to prioritize your tasks and manage your time, you feel like you are drowning. The only way to learn this is just to figure out your own style, what works best for you.
7. Coffee is your best friend on night shifts. This one is pretty self explanatory. When you work from 7pm-7am, coffee becomes your best friend. I was never one for all nighters in college so when I went from never staying up all night to working all night taking care of patients, I needed coffee (sometime multiple cups of coffee depending on the night).
8. This job is a HUGE responsibility. This may be one of the most important things I have learned in the past 6 months. Nursing is a HUGE responsibility. Nurse are trusted to care for, advocate and make our patients our highest priority. For 13 years, America has voted nursing as the most trusted profession. Patients trust us to take care of them and parents trust us to take care of and insure the safety of the most important thing in their life, their child. We care for very sick and vulnerable people, we see families at their best and at their worst. Not only do we give medications and monitor our patients, we listen to families concerns reassure them of their feelings and do our best to let them know that they are our highest priority. We insure them that taking care of them is not only a job, it is a passion and a calling, it is not something that we take lightly at all. Working as a nurse is a HUGE responsibility, but it is a responsibility that I am honored to have.
