Children have the Perfect Words

            

         Children. I can't even begin to explain how much I love children. Children have minds and ways of thinking that are simple, yet surprisingly deep if you just take the time to sit and listen to them. I have seen this multiple times while working as a camp counselor, while babysitting and working on the pediatric oncology unit this semester. Children are never afraid to say what they are thinking, and they never seem to let their imagination run dry. I think it is funny how we (older people) often look down on children for being young, immature, and not being old enough to know about life and experience. When maybe it is their innocence that allows them to see the goodness in the world, all the possibilities it has to offer and the meaning of life. Take this little kid for example, I came across this today online. This little nine year old boy explains life, from everything to free will and doubt to creating your our meaning in life, in a way that we can all understand.

 

          Really? How is it that this little nine year old can explain the meaning of life and how I can find the meaning of my life, and I can't even decided what I want in my life?? Finding your meaning in life is "an endless quest without knowing what the quest is." As I sit here in awe reflecting on what this little kid said, I can't help but think about how much we have to learn from children, all of us. Children are the best teachers, we just need to have the patience to learn from them. So next time you are talking with a child, just listen to them, you never know what they will end up teaching you.

Answers

          So, they say that growing up and being a young adult is all about "finding yourself." We are at that time in our life when if someone asks us what we are going to be when we grow up, we have a real answer, not just princesses or pirates. However,  it seems to me that the real issue comes when someone asks "who" we want to be when we grow up. That's the question most of us, if not all of us are trying to answer. How do we find ourself? We live. We have fun. We make mistakes, and we learn from them. We change our minds, a lot, to figure out what it is we want in life. And we hope that in doing all of these things we can find ourself, figure out who we are. That's the goal right? I've come to realize though, as I continue to learn more about myself as a person and an individual, that there are somethings I will never understand about myself.

1. Why I let myself get so easily stressed out? Like I don't have enough stress in my life, let me just create some more...

2. Why I get so nervous talking to people I've never met before, and even talking to people that I already know.

3. Why I continue to drink coffee in the afternoon and the evening, even though I know it is going to keep me up all night.

4. Why I want to grow up, but at the same time I want to stay a kid forever.

5. How I never actually know what I want. If someone ever asks me what it is I want, I can never tell them.

6. Why it is that I am so indecisive. I can never make up my mind, whether it be a simple choice like were to do to dinner or a major decision like what type of nursing I want to go into.

Thursday Tunes

So, this song has been stuck in my head all day, and I absolutely LOVE it!

Anything Could Happen by Ellie Goulding

A Little Piece of my Heart

Photo Credit to Alex, Bridget, Meaghan and Hannah!!

One wild and precious life (El Salvador: Days 5-6)

"'God's reign is already present on our earth in mystery. When the Lord comes, it will be brought to perfection.' That is the hope that inspires Christians. We know that every effort to better society, especially when injustice and sin are so ingrained, is an effort that God blesses, that God wants, that God demands of us." 

-Oscar Romero, March 24, 1980

  

           I know it had been a long time since I last wrote about El Salvador but this past week has been crazy busy and I am just now getting time to sit down and finish writing about my amazing week in El Salvador. Where did I leave off...

          Thursday morning we woke up and after breakfast drove to Il Hospitalito, the hospital for cancer patients where Monsenor Romero lived in a small, quaint house. Upon arriving there, we met a Carmelite sister who took us into the chapel where Monsenor Romero was saying mass on March 24, 1980, when he was shot and killed. Romero was saying mass in front of a small crowd, and as he was finishing his homily, a car drove up outside and shot him, with a single, explosive bullet that hit killed him. We sat in the church listening to the sister tell the story and just sat in silence thinking it all over and processing everything that we heard and saw. It was weird because I had heard about his death and seen pictures from that mass, but being there was such and amazing experience. It really is like a once in a lifetime experience. The chapel is just so simple and beautiful and serene. After reflecting for a while, we all went to the alter and offered up one word that we thought of when we thought of Romero and prayed for him and his legacy. Words that were said ranged from revolution, love, courage, strength and poverty. It was one of the most powerful moments I think of the whole trip, but then again I feel like every part of the trip was powerful. We then walked across the street to the small three room house where Romero lived, which is now a museum full of his possessions and photographs and paintings. The yard outside is green and sunny and full of colorful flowers and life. Along the side of the yard is a small stature of Mary inside of a grotto of sorts. The woman there was telling us a story of when Romero was killed he was buried at the Cathedral but his organs were buried at his house. Three years after his passed away, they were receiving bomb threats so they dug up his organs and built the grotto (where the statue of Mary is) to protect them. And when they did this, after three years his heart was still flesh and there was still liquid blood in his heart. So amazing, right? On the way back to Fundahmer for lunch we stopped at the Monument to the Memory and Truth. This monument is a very long wall in a park that has the names of innocent civilians who were killed or disappeared throughout the course of the war. There are over 30,000 names on the wall, and those are only the names that were submitted. I don't think some people realize how horrible this war was in El Salvador. The names seemed to go on forever and ever, and at the end of the wall was the name of all of the massacres. I'm still in awe looking at all of the pictures of the wall.

         That afternoon we had the pleasure of driving to Tepecoyo and meet with Angelica. Talk about an amazing woman!! Tepecoyo is actually one of the sites where two of my friends, Sara and Alexa, worked while studying abroad in El Salvador, and many other Micahs have worked there in the past. Angelica is a woman who saw a need in her community and did something to address that. She saw that there was a need for nourishment for women and children. With the aid of some nuns, and now with the aid of SLU student who raise money, she runs a comedor, which is like a small cafeteria. Angelica, runs this comedor and feeds over 20 children every day,  5 days a week so that they can grow into strong and healthy adults. Because of Angelica and her work, children began to become nourished and gain weight, they did better in school and women had a place to meet where they could discuss concerns and community issues. Angelica really is an angel. However, due to a lack of funds, the comedor is struggling and really needs help raising money, which is how Tortillas for Tepecoyo was founded at SLU, to raise money for Angelica and her cause. If you want to learn more about it or even donate go here. On our way home we stopped by the home of Kevin and Thera, who run the Casa de la Solidaridad, the study abroad program in El Salvador. We only got to speak with Kevin, who is amazing, and speaking with him really helped put everything we learned that week into perspective. It definitely helped figure out how to bring our experience back to the states with us.

        Friday was our last day in El Salvador :( It was a very relaxed and calm day though, which was what wee needed after a long and tiring week full of culture, learning and fun. After breakfast, we ventured out to the beach. One the way to the beach, we took a short detour to the site of the martyrdom of the four american church women, where now stands a chapel. Here we heard the story of the four women, who devoted their lives to helping the Salvadoran people and promoting peace. They were murdered on December 2, 1980. At the site of their death is now a beautiful chapel filled with picture of the women in honor of their lives.

         The beach was absolutely beautiful!! The sun was hot, the breeze was cool, and the water was refreshing. Not long after arriving, we were all coating in sun screen and running into the ocean. Literally sprinting across the sand, which was burning hot, my feet were peeling because of it. The sand there is almost a dark grey because it is made of volcanic rock. We spent the day swimming, or attempting to swim and not get pulled of by the current. If you got hit by a wave, it was like you were in a washing machine, no joke. It was a day full of sunshine, wind in your hair, and laughter filling the air. There was even a traditional Salvadoran band playing! We had a lifeguard with us the whole day, who just caught and eel and a crab with his hands, no big deal... We finally got a break to eat lunch, which was amazing, it was a whole fish that was freshly grilled and delicious. (there will be pictures in the next post). Oh, we even buried Kevin in the sand and turned him into a merman, and then into an airplane, which was more fitting actually. After a long day soaking up the sun, playing and working on a tan, we headed back to Fundahmer for dinner and a surprise. Our surprise was a traditional Salvadoran band that came to play music for us. So celebrated our last night there with ice cream from pops and dancing the night away.  

         Saturday before leaving we had the pleasure of meeting with Anita, who is the founder of Fundahmer and the sister of Octavio Ortiz, who was a jesuit killed during the war. We were able to hear her story and learn more about the beginnings of Fundahmer. It is really her who I can that for this trip, because without Fundahmer, it would not have been possible. I learned so much on this trip about El Salvador, and even about myself. I grew as person, and I am ever so grateful for the opportunity that I had to go on this trip. THis trip and the country of El Salvador will forever hold a special place in my heart.

The Summer Day

Mary Oliver

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean-

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

         

          

Faith and Trust (El Salvador: Days 3-4)

"Que lo que hay que salvar ante todo, es el proceso de liberación de nuestro pueblo"

"What you have to save first and foremost, is the liberation of our people."

~Monseñor Óscar Romero

        Day three of our Salvadoran adventure began bright and early. Actually, all of our days began early with either 7 or 7:30 am wake calls. Tuesday morning we had the honor of going into San Salvador to visit the National Assembly, which is comparable to like the capital, where the senate and house of representatives meet, only they have the Salon Azul. We got a full tour of the National Assembly and got to see a committee meeting about national security and we even got to see the chambers and sit in the chairs of the Senators. The future leaders of El Salvador: The SLU spring break mission trip 2013. I bet I would be the first blonde Senator El Salvador has ever seen! But unfortunately that will never happen. After a few minutes of playing Government, we were led to a small room in the FMLN's (the current party that holds power) office. There we were greeted by Damian Alegría, a representative of the FMLN. The conference was small, and cozy, and Damian was welcoming, open and truthful. THe FMLN was founded during the war by the guerillas and is the people's party, much more leftist than the opposing Arena Party. The FMLN came into power in 2009, after Arena had been in power for more than 20 years after the war, and according to Damien, "now is the time to make real the dreams from before." They were honest and truthful about the history of El Salvador saying that the worst violations of human rights occurred in El Salvador. They aspire to have a zone free of war and firmly believe that every human has the right to be recognized as a human being. One thing that I saw with the Salvadoran people that also came up while talking with the FMLN representative was the distinction between the US government and the US people. The understand that it was the government aiding the army, not the people. And they were truly grateful that we came to their country with open ear and hearts, willing to learn. After meeting with the FMLN, we were lead up to the top floor of the building into an elaborate and very posh conference room. Upon sitting down, we were asked if we wanted coffee or water and it was brought to us. (Side note: all salvadoran coffee is sweet, you can't get it without sugar). To say the least, this room was vastly different that the one before it.  Meeting with the Arena representative was a great learning experience and I understand that their believes are just that, their beliefs. However, I don't know if i've felt so uncomfortable in a long time, it seems that almost everything he said was so different that my personal views. He prefaces the talk with basically saying that we can't vote, so it doesn't matter what he says and what we think of it. He kept talking about how much the FMLN hates the US. When the subject of gangs arose he basically said that the truce between the two gangs has stopped killing between them but not killing of innocent people.  He said, "If gangs kill each other I don't care. They are doing the rest of the population a favor." No one should be killing anyone! The tension in the room only grew strong when the subject of Monsenor Romero was brought up. To Arena, Romero was by no means a saint, but used by the left as a symbol. He said concerning the subject that they (Arena) "do not create martyrs, we let the dead rest in peace." 1. Martyrs aren't created, it isn't something that they aspire to be. Martyrs are amazing people who live a live that is an inspiration for others and gives other people hope. 2. Monsenor Romero said before his death "if they kill me, I will rise again in the salvadoran people." But according to Arena,  "he was a good man but doesn't deserve the honor that he has received, he wouldn't have like it." To say the least, there was a lot of tension in the Arena conference room that morning. (Also, side note: there was a picture in the Arena conference room of the whole party, and all of the senators that have left the party have a huge black X over their face because they are "traitors.")

           After having some time to cool down from that meeting, we packed our bags and set out on the 5 hour journey to Perquin. The hot, long bus ride was spent bonding and getting to know each other more by talking and playing hot seat. We stopped and bought jocote to eat, which are like little fruits that kinda taste a little like mango. They were delicious and refreshing, almost as refreshing as the ice cream that we got in San Miguel when we stopped. 5 hours later, we arrived at our hostel in Perquin, which was simple but beautiful with a big patio area and hammocks. We had dinner at a small Comedor, which is like a small cafeteria kinda... After dinner we had the amazing opportunity to meet and talk with Claudia who was 14 years old when she joined the guerilla movement as a combatant. She fought as a combatant for 4 years and watched many of her friends die at her side. She has three children during the war. Right after her second child was born she was captured along with her uncle who was killed two days later. She said that while she was being held captive she put her faith in God, for her daughter, and that the lieutenant saw the grace of god and released her. After the war was over she had 3 more children. She says she is very moved that her children are extremely proud of her and tell their friends her story. She was so grateful that we were able to listen to her story and asked for us to share it, which is what I had to do. Talk about an amazing women! Her courage and strength continues to leave me in awe to this day. As I sat under the stars that night reflecting, a shooting star flew across the sky. How cool is that?

            The next morning after breakfast, we headed to the Museum of the Revolution, where we learned all about the revolution and the civil war as a whole. Our tour guide was hilarious and so informative. You could tell how excited he was to share this part of history with us as he described just about everything we saw in the museum. The whole tour he emphasized the importance of telling the truth and not changing the story of what happened in the past, and once again he also made the distinction between the American People and the American Government. Probably my favorite moment of the whole tour was he was showing us a car that was given to the guerillas from France and was describing everything that it could do. This little blue car was bullet proof, could spill oil out the back to make the road slick, it had smoke bombs and had built it fire extinguishers. He then called it "Puro carro James Bond, Puro James Bond" meaning "straight up James Bond car, straight up James Bond." From the museum we hiked up El Cerro de Perquin, which is the highest point in Perquin. On the short hike up we got to crawl through a trench, see a hospital from the war (which was a bamboo hut), climbing a rope ladder up a tree that was used by snipers and saw craters from 500 lb bombs. When we finally reached the top, it was one of the most beautiful views. there was a 360 degree view of the mountains and if you looked of to one side you were looking into the mountains of Honduras!! Despite all of the fighting that has happened on that hill and the bombs that had been dropped there, it was so peaceful standing on top of that mountain with the wind blowing. From here we headed to a guerilla encampment and walked around, which was really interesting. Before heading back to San Salvador, we made one more stop, which was probably my favorite but also the most difficult part of the trip for me.

          After lunch, we picked up Marta and made our way to El Mozote. Marta is the daughter of Rufina who was the sole survivor of the Massacre of El Mozote that happen on December 11, 1981. Upon reaching the center of town, we stepped of the bus into the plaza. The plaza was cobblestone and sat right outside a beautiful white church. To the right of the church as a garden and next to that was rolling hills. A large tree shaded half of the plaza and the monument in memory of what happened over 30 years ago. The plaza was cover in sun and the sound of children laughing filled the air. It was hard to believe that this was the same place that 30 years before the Salvadoran Army attacked. When the army took over the town, they split up the men, women and children and basically just started killing each and every person in the town (I will spare you some of the details, but trust me, it was horrendous). Somehow, by the grace of God, Rufina was able to escape when someone was not looking and hide in a bush, as she heard the rest of her town being killed, even her own children. Her husband and 3 of her children died that day along with every other member of her town, over 1,000 people ranging from 2 days old to elderly. She hid for a few days before being found by a friend from another town who helped reunited her with her son and daughter who where not living in El Mozote at the time. Her pregnant daughter was her inspiration to eat and live. She decided that she needed to tell her story and tell the truth about what happened that day. She had Marta in a refugee camp in Honduras a few year later. She told the story until the day that she died. Listening and then reflecting on that story hit me on such a deep level. I felt sorrow, pain, unsettled and nauseated. It caused my heart to ache more than ever before. So many questions began to run through my mind. The feelings were overwhelming and suffocating. It was such a powerful experience. The thing that got me was that this town had experienced such horrible things, yet people started a new life there are are so full of joy and happiness and gratetude. They don't forget their story but continue to tell it. Their past isn't a weakness, but a strength.

         It was in El Mozote, after hearing Marta's story that we received the called telling us that the new pope had been chosen. Pope Francis. Who is from Argentina and a Jesuit. HOw cool is that? We were in Latin America, when the first ever Latin American Pope was chosen. And with a jesuit! To say the very least, we were all very excited, especially our campus minister and the jesuit who were on the trip with us. It was a moment that I will never forget.

Love knows no Borders (El Salvador: Days 1-2)

"El martirio es una gracia de Dios que no creo merecer. Pero si Dios acepta el sacrificio de mi vida, que mi sangre sea la semilla de libertad y la señal de que la esperanza será pronto una realidad."

"Martyrdom is a grace from God which I do not believe I deserve. But if God accepts the sacrifice of my life, then may my blood be the seed of liberty, and a sign of hope that will soon become a reality."

~Monseñor Óscar Romero, 16 Marzo 1980 (8 days before his martyrdom)

           I've been in the United States for about two days now, but my heart is still in El Salvador. This spring break I decided to step way out of my comfort zone and going on a trip to El Salvador through campus ministry. I remember sitting in bed the night before we flew out of Saint Louis, and fears and worries just started filling my mind. I worried about the language barrier (since I know no spanish), about getting sick, about safety in general (the travel warning issued only heightened that fear), I even worried about my shy nature keeping me from opening up and making friends with the other students on the trip. Little did I know then, those fears where completely irrational. I realized not knowing the language made everything I learned that much more special and that you don't have to speak the same language to connect on a deep level. I never got sick once the whole trip, and never at all felt unsafe. And much to my surprise, I was actually open with others on the trip and watched a lot of new and great friendships develop. I am so ever grateful that I was able to go on the trip, I really owe Stewart a lot for convincing me to go. This trip helped me to discover a new passion and taught me more that I could have ever hoped for. I'm hoping in writing this post, I can share my extraordinary experience with you and show you how amazing the country and the people of El Salvador truly are.

          You may not know much about the history of El Salvador, I didn't really until this past week. It would take a while to tell the whole history, but I want to give an quick overview to kind of set a context for this whole week. El Salvador is the smallest country in Central America (about the size of Massachusetts), and the history of the country is characterized by marked social inequity. This led to a twelve year civil war between the FMLN (leftist guerilla movement) and the United States backed military-led government. Many Salvadorans disappeared during this time and tens of thousands of innocent civilians we killed, not including the soldiers and the guerillas killed. It was during this time that Oscar Romero was named Archbishop of San Salvador and advocated for liberation theology which is the concept that the poor should not be oppressed and it not the will of God that they are being oppressed and that they are being deprived of basic rights. Oscar Romero told the people that they do not have to wait until Heaven to be rewarded, the should have that on earth. The government saw Monsenor Romero as a threat and had him killed on March 24, 1980. He was shot and killed with a single bullet while saying mass. Others killed, to name a few were Father Rutilio Grande, the six Jesuits Martyrs along with Elba and her daughter Celina, Octavio Ortiz and the four American church women. Not to mention the thousands of innocent men, women and children killed during the 12 years of war.

          I don't even know where to start, so I guess day 1 is the best place to begin. Last Saturday, after a long day of travel, we arrived at the airport in San Salvador around 11 pm only to be greeted by hugs from the wonderful Christine, a graduate of SLU last year and a former Micah, and Ana Luz, who is a funny, passionate and amazing Salvadoran who was with us our whole week in El Salvador. When we got back to Fundahmer (our home for the week), we had a small orientation and a surprise of homemade pupusas! Pupusa are corn tortillas stuffed with beans and cheese and meat, and are basically heaven in tortilla form. To say the least they were a favorite of most everyone on the trip and, over the course of the week I must have eaten at least 8 pupusas if not more... To say the least, we fell asleep that night exhausted and with a slight pupusa food coma. The next morning we woke up and headed into the center of San Salvador to the Cathedral to attend mass. The cathedral is beautiful and sits facing the Plaza Barrios where the funeral of Monsenor Romero was held. During the funeral of Romero, smoke bombs went off and shots were fired from the top of the Palacio Nacional. We attended mass in the basement of the Catherdral, which is the burial location of Monsenor Romero! We literally went to mass with Monsenor Romero. The mass was beautiful, personal and full of love and emotion. After Mass, two Salvadoran women asked if they could explain the crypt of Monsenor and the significance of the crpyt, and of course we said yes. These women had no clue who we were, just that we were Americans, and the volunteered their time to tell us all about Monsenor Romero and his grave. This was only the beginning of the amazing hospitality we received all week and is a small glimpse of how loved Monsenor Romero was loved by his people. After Mass we packed up our things and heading out to Las Mesas, a small rural community in the hills of El Salvador. It was formed during the war by families hoping to escape from the violence of the civil war. The afternoon was spent playing tag, and soccer with the children. If I learned one thing while playing with the children that afternoon it was this: no matter where you go, children are children. They love to play and laugh and have fun. They have this ability to love unconditionally that all of us should aspire for. The women cooked us all an amazing dinner, and after dinner we met with the youth of the community. I can't even begin to explain how mature these young men and women are. They take so much pride in their community and are very determined to do what is best for their community, their home. Listening to these young men and women really made me reevaluate my priorities. After spending time with the youth, they had a surprise for us, a DANCE PARTY. Best dance party I have had been to in my life.

         The next morning after breakfast, we met with the woman of the community, who really are the heart and driving force of the community, which is amazing especially in a Machismo culture. These women have dreams and will do anything to achieve them. They raised money to build a small store for their community, make natural shampoo and soap and harvest amazing honey that they sell. They are truly an inspiring group of women. After this we visited the small school in the community which had kindergarden through 6th grade. We saw the classrooms and talked with both the children and the teacher, and during recess we played pato, pato, ganso (duck, duck, goose). After visiting the school and touring the community we had lunch, once again cooked by the women of the community. Lunch was amazing. Hot soup and chicken. I can't begin to tell you how weird it was having hot soup and chicken in the middle of the day, when it is close to 95 degrees outside. Although it was hard to get used to it was oddly refreshing. All meals no matter what time of day it is, is always hot there. So, back to lunch. They made us all chicken which is a BIG deal. Chicken or any meat is really a big deal for them, they generally don't eat that much meat, and they killed enough of their chickens to feed 16 people who were visiting their community. Talk about a major sacrifice, for people they only just met. This community opened their arms and their home to us. They sacrificed their chickens for us. And, when we were leaving, the thanked US. They were so grateful for our presence and that we took the time to visit them. This really took me by surprise, we where the ones our should be grateful and thankful to them, they opened their homes to us and fed us, yet they continued to take us!! It was as we were saying goodbye that one of the elder women of the community said that our visit truly shows that "love know no borders." That afternoon after leaving Las Mesas, we visited the UCA (Universidad Centro Americano), which is the site where the six jesuits along which Elba and Celina were killed. We spent time speaking with Padre Sivatte about Liberation Theology, and then spent time in the Museum of the Martyrs. After a very informative tour, given by a young women (it still amazes me how the young people know so much about their history and are so passionate about it) we walked up to the rose garden, which was planted where the six jesuits were shot and killed. The university is like a small oasis in the middle of San Salvador, it is beautiful. It is hard to believe that 8 innocent lives where taken there in the middle of the night. As I stood in the rose garden, thoughts of how?  and why? began to rush through my head. My mind was flooded with emotions and questions, it is still something that I am trying to work though in my head. After sometime to reflect and process our thoughts in the chapel, we headed to Planes de  Los Renderos to a restaurant to have more pupusas, along with 2 SLU student who are currently studying abroad in El Salvador at the Casa de la Solidaridad. After dinner, we stopped at an overlook to look at the beautiful lights of San Salvador before heading back to Fundahmer for the night.