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          So for the past 7 months, I've been living on my own, building my career and creating a life in Nashville, TN. It hasn't been easy, but I always figured it was something I would just power through, as long I as kept looking forward it would get easier. That's how it's suppose to go right? It's like the little engine that could, you keep saying "I think I can, I think I can" until you reach the top of that hill and it will all get better. Once you reach the top you can look back on how far you've come. But what if once you reach the top of the hill, you come to find that another hill is waiting for you. So, you just keep chugging along determined to make it to the top. The problem is, sometimes saying "I think I can" to yourself is just not enough. Sometimes, you just need to hear it from someone else.

           We live in a time when young adults are told that we are suppose to be independent, do things on our own. We are suppose to find our own niche in the world and not rely on others to do that for us. I think this is creates a problem that many young people face. We are afraid to ask for help, because admitting we can't do it on our own makes it seem as if we are a failure. However, sometimes we can't do it on our own. Sometimes we just need to hear someone say "you can do this" or "I'm here for you if you need me." I have found myself in this situation recently, trying to be independent and do everything on my own. I was chugging along ignoring any problems, putting them on the back burner hoping they would stay there, until they didn't. 

          I've realized you can only put so many feelings and thoughts on the back burner before they begin to boil over. When this happened last week I had two options: ignore it and keep moving forward or just take some time, go home and realize that I can't always do this on my own. It didn't take long for me to decide on the latter and drive 5 and a half hours back to my parent's home.  It's like the Andy Grammer song, "No matter where we go, we always find our way back home." There is no shame on turning to your parents when you need help or someone to tell you everything will be ok, even if you are supposed to be a 22 year old "adult". Not much can compare to waking up in your childhood room, laying around watching movies with your parents, and having your mother make home cooked meals for you.

So lesson learned this week: Even if you are 22 and suppose to be an "independent, working adult" there is no shame on going home to your parents' house when you are feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Attempting to Find My Way through Reading

          So here I am. I'm a soon to be 23 year old trying to find my place in the world, my next step in life and most importantly what my meaning in the world is. I feel like these are things that all twenty somethings ask them self at some point in their life. Us new grads are flung into the world after college with tons of questions filling our brain and no idea how to find the answers. Some of the questions I find my self wondering on a near daily basis include:

-What am I doing with my life?
-Have I made the right career decisions?
-What's in store for me in the future?
-What is my next step in this series of random steps in life?
-Why is the real world so lonely sometimes?
-What is my whole purpose in this life?
-Will I ever know the answer to these questions?

           How does one even go about beginning to answer these questions? I look at them and feel a pit in my stomach. A part of me doesn't want to face those questions yet, but at the same time if I don't start facing them now will I ever? People say that your twenties is time when you most grow, the time when you are suppose to find yourself and find your place in this world. Well, I can tell you one thing for sure. I am almost 3 years into my twenties and still have a long way to go before I know the answer to any of those questions. So in my quest to answer these questions and find my place in this world I have decided to read a book every month. So, I basically googles books all 20 something year olds should read. Surprisingly there are quite a few articles with just lists of books that young men and women should read during their twenties. I composed a list of some of those books as well as other books I have been wanting to read. Maybe, just maybe these books will lead me in the right direction on figuring out my life. Twelve months, twelve books. Here we go.

For those curious as to what I will be reading over the next 12 months, here are the books I decided to read:

1. Gone Girl
2. The Defining Decade
3. Wild
4. Crazy Little Things
5. A Guide To Being Born
6. Never Let Me Go
7. Still Alice
8. Tiny Beautiful Things
9. The Love Affairs
10. Self-Help
11. What She Saw
12. The Rachel Papers

Come Fly with Me

         One of my favorite pandora stations to listen to is Frank Sinatra Radio. Whether I am cooking dinner, taking a long bubble bath, or just laying in bed on a rainy day something about old music just puts me in a peaceful state of mind. Don't get me wrong, I love the occasional dance parties to Taylor Swift and Beyonce, but no music today can quite compare to the old school, jazzy sound of Frank Sinatra and others from that time. Maybe it is because I am a hopeless romantic at heart, but I can't help but find the time of jazz bands and swing dancing clubs just captivating. I would love to take a step back in history to the time when men and women got dressed up in fancy dresses and suits to go to a club and dance while listening to a live jazz band. Unfortunately those places are rare and far and in between these days. So, for now I will just have to sit in my apartment, close my eyes and lets my mind slip away to Frank Sinatra.

New Year, Same Me

            Another year has come and gone. Less than two weeks ago, the whole world said good-bye to 2014 and warmly welcomed 2015. Every December people begin preparing their New Year Resolutions, and come January 1 the frenzy begins. You see posts plastered all over Facebook like "It's a New Year, a New Me!" While I applaud people for making goals for personal health, I can't help but almost cringe at that statement. A girl I used to work with at camp put my feelings into words the other day when she wrote "I like to think that we all have the ambition inside of us all along, it's just a final push that helps bring it out of us! It's not a 'new you', it's the you that no longer let's anything hold yourself back from what you want!" It may be a New Year, but I am still the same me. No matter how many changes I make in my life, I am still the same woman I was 3 weeks ago. I am the exact person who God made me to be. I may change over the next year, but I would like to think that it is just me growing into more of who I really am. I hope that I become more of myself by not holding myself back from doing the things that I love, the things that make me happy and the things that allow my true self to shine. So it is not a "New Year, and a New Me". It a New Year, and I am just the same me. Just Elizabeth.

          I, for one, am not the best with New Year Resolutions. Every year I make all these resolutions like working out every day (like that could ever happen) and eating healthy, and every year they last for maybe a few months before I almost forget about them. This year, instead of making the same old typical resolutions that I always do, I decided to make my resolutions things that actually make me happy. I wanted a list of resolutions that I would not dread doing. So, this year I included things like reading a new book every month, taking a day every month just for me to relax and do things that make me happy, and exploring this new city that I call my home now.

          So, I challenge you (whoever you may be) to make your New Year Resolutions for you. Make them things that make you happy, things that bring out the you that you may be hiding inside. And remember, it's not a New Year, New You. It's the you that you are no longer holding back.

Now What?

          Well, it's been a while since I wrote a blog post, about a year and a half to be exact. But it's a new year and with all the changes that have been happening in my life, I decided this was exactly what I needed. I need to get back to the basics and do things that make me happy, things that make me more me. A lot has changed in the past year. I went from being a senior in college to a working professional living on my own, trying to find my place in the big crazy adventure we call life. As I move forward, I can't help but look back on all the good things that ave happened in the past year and a half. That's natural though, right? We look back to what makes us feel comfortable, look back to the times and events that led us to where we are in this present moment. It is those moments that shape us into who we are in this present moment. 

           Looking back I can't help but feel so thankful for my senior year of college. It was all I could have asked for and more. I spent all my time with the very special friends who over the past 4 years have grown to be my family. We laughed together, had dance parties in our back yard in the late hours of the night, watched frozen more times than we probably should have and made memories that will surely be told to our children one day. Unfortunately that time could not last forever and the days until graduation whittled away until there was no time left. It was then then the moment I had been dreading all year, the moment that I would be forced into the "real world."

            After much thought, I decided to jump right into the "real world" by moving to a new town (where I knew no one) in order to start a new job. I had done the whole moving to a new place, not knowing anyone, when I went off to college, but somehow this time it was much more daunting. In college I was thrown into an environment with people in the same stage of life as me, having no idea what we were doing in life. Moving to a new city after college was probably the scariest thing that I have ever done. I moved to Nashville in July, not knowing a soul, living by myself, and starting a job where I literally help children fight for their lives. What could be more scary? Nothing really, or it least it felt like that. There came a point when I had to put all the fears and self-doubt on the back burner, in order to see how truly blessed I was. I graduated from a great university, passed my nursing boards, and started my dream job working as a pediatric hematology/oncology nurse at Monroe Carell Jr. Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt. 

          What's next? Now that I have checked all of those things of my life to-do list I am faced with the forever daunting question of "Now What?" What comes next? What is the next things to look forward to in my future. There are no more Christmas breaks, spring breaks or graduations to look forward to. Times just passes by, and very quickly I must add. Now that I'm in the real world, I need to find new things to look forward to such as scheduling my next set of shifts, my next day off and lastly friends' weddings. You know you are finally grown up when your first set of college friends get married. So here's to the "real world", the world of unknowns and growing up. May I find the serenity to take life as it comes and find joy in the small things along the way.

To Quote a great movie (Ferris Bueller's Day Off):

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it"