I Want Crazy

One week. One week is all I have left of my junior year in college. One more year at SLU. 376 days until I am wearing a cap and gown for the first time in my life, (in high school we wore white dresses instead of caps and gowns) and walking across a stage to receive my diploma. It seems that as I grow older every year goes by faster and faster. This year seemed to have passed in the blink of an eye. With senior year just around the corner, we are being forced to think about the future and what we want, who we want to be, where we want to be, and who we want to spend our time with. I feel like this has come up quite a bit recently in our house. There has been talk of where people want to go to grad school, if we want to get a job right away or volunteer for a year or two, and where we intend to live and work when we are done at SLU. We are finally getting to the age where we have to seriously think about our future. It’s surreal in a way, and scary at the same time.

I think one of the strangest things to think of is that in the next few years (5-10) some of us will be falling madly in love, getting married and starting families. This is a topic that has come up quite a bit recently I feel like, more the topic of we all expect to be getting wedding invitations from each person in the house, or who is going to be the first in the house to get married and have kids. The more common topic of discussion, at least between me and the Emily’s and Allison is who is in the running for maid of honor at each other’s wedding. The Emily’s and I each have sisters, so the real competition is who is going to be Allison’s maid of honor. As weird as it is to think about, it is something that we talk about. I wish I could still say we have a long time to think about that, or that’s not going to happen anytime soon. But realistically that day will most likely happen in the next 5-10 years.

However, back to my original thoughts for this post.  I was thinking about this whole growing up thing and the fact that what I use to think was so far in the future is actually now the present, and growing up is just around the corner. I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with my life, where I want to spend my life, and most importantly the type of person I want to spend my life with. This may be weird, or you may be thinking, “you’re 21, you have a lot of time to think about that.” And maybe that is true but I’m at that point in my life where I need to start thinking about the type of person I want to date and what I want on my “boyfriend” list (qualities and things that I look for in a guy). I’m ready to start looking for that and I’m ready to find that love again.

I’m only dipped my toes in the waters of love once in my life, and it was amazing (even if it didn’t last). It is the kind of thing that keeps you aching for more, desiring that feeling all the time. I’m excited to feel that again. I’m scared to feel that again. I think I’m ready to feel that again.  I know what I want, well for the most part.

I want crazy. I want that crazy kind of love that bewitches you body and soul. The kind of love that takes you over and makes you feel irrational and completely rationale at the same time. “I don’t want good and I don’t want good enough. I want can’t sleep, can’t breathe without your love. Front porch and one more kiss, it doesn’t make sense to any body else.” I know that that kind of love isn’t going to be easy. But that’s ok because I don’t want easy. I want crazy.

I was reading a post the other day on “Thought Catalog” about this and the author described it as a “Friday Kind of Love.” Fridays are full of possibilities. You have the whole weekend ahead of you, where anything could happen. This sense of possibility leads to and air that is full of excitement and potential. Full of options. I want the Friday kind of love. I want possibility, the feeling of excitement, and passion. I want extraordinary. Crazy.

Everyone deserves a love that is something of an out of this world connection, that you can’t make sense of in your own mind. Mind-blowing-heart-stopping-life-changing-inexplicable-love.

                           

                         “Who needs to play it safe in love… Let’s be crazy”