The Most Asked Question in College

            What am I doing with my life? I feel like overall, this is the most commonly asked question in college. We're grown-ups now, or so they say. We've moved out of home, live on our own and have to fend for ourselves. College is a time of transition, where we begin the process from our sheltered home life, to the big and somewhat scary real world. We are "suppose" to figure out what we are going to do with our life and what it is we are passionate about. And hopefully by the time graduation rolls around and we accept our diploma, we will know what we what to do with our life. Right? Isn't this what people tell us? What we are led to believe?

          Maybe some of us will leave college knowing what it is we want to do with our lives, some of us may have 5-year or 10-year plans. Or maybe will will have an idea of what we want to do. Some may even leave college more confused than we came about what we want to do with our life. I came into college having an idea of what I wanted to do, I was going to be a nurse. That was about all that I knew. Then of course I had the, what I like to call, "quarter life crisis." I had about the month or two freakout where all I could think about was "what am I doing with my life? what if I am making the wrong decision? I have no clue what I want in life or what I want to do in life?" For me this was so nerve wrecking and only made me more anxious than I normally am. It wasn't until this semester really that I began to actually realize what it is I am passionate and know what I want to do when graduation rolls around. I don't have all the answers yet but I know what I am now passionate about enough to have an idea of what I want.

         I have always been a caring person. I love helping other people and caring for them. It just makes me happy and brings joy to my life. I was reading a book of poems by Emily Dickinson the other day (I decided recently that I want to read more poetry) and one of her poems describes one of my philosophies perfectly:

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

        Isn't it beautiful? It's that part of me that helped me develop my passion for pediatric oncology. I always knew that I wanted to work with children when I graduate but it wasn't until last year that it became pediatric oncology. I have never watched a family member suffered from the fight with cancer until this year when my step-grandmother was diagnosed with Follicular Lymphoma, but thankfully they caught her cancer early and it is not a very aggressive cancer. Starting last year was really my first deep connection to a child with cancer. In the fall, my aunt Beth asked if she could give my name out to one of her friends to babysit, and naturally I said yes. Little did I know that little girl and her family would have such a strong influence in one of the largest decisions of my life so far. There are three kids in the family, Liam, Aiden and Arianna. Arianna, the youngest, is currently fighting Stage 4 Neuroblastoma, a devastating and very aggressive cancer found in young children. When I first met Ari, she was free of cancer and before she went into Remission. This family is amazing. They boys are typical little boys and Ari is a precious little princess. I quickly fell in love with the family. I loved getting to know them and see their family dynamic as they dealt with and lived with such a life-changing disease. Last Thanksgiving when I found out that Ari went into remission, I didn't know what to think. I was shocked and devastated and sad. My emotions were overwhelming. It was in working with this family and caring for the children that I developed such a deep passion for pediatric cancer. Ari is  a constant ray of sunshine in my life, a source of inspiration, and an example of strength, courage and true beauty. I don't know what is one the road ahead for Ari, but I do know that she is one of the strongest girls I know and she is a true fighter!

Her is a video to a song that Ari wrote: http://www.ksdk.com/news/article/365544/4/New-music-program-helps-kids-rock-cancer

          This semester I have had the pleasure of doing my pediatric rotation on the Hematology/Oncology Floor at Children's Hospital here in Saint Louis. I am so blessed that I was put on this floor because it only further helped me realize that this is what I want to do in life. I can't even begin to explain how excited I am. 

          What am I doing with my life? I don't know all the answers. I know some but not all of them. And there is nothing wrong with that. I don't think I will ever know all the answers. I think figuring out what you want to do in life is a learning process. It a process that is taken step by step. There are endless possibilities. And the beauty of it is, we can choose to go and do what we want to do. No one else can choose that for us.