The House that Built Me

"I thought if I could touch this place or feel it,

The brokenness inside me might start healing.

Out here it is like I'm someone else, 

I thought that I could maybe find myself."

~The House that Built Me

Miranda Lambert

          Everyone has that one place, the place that has had the most influence on the development on him or her as a person. Think about it. Do you have one place that had you not been there, you would not be the person you are today? Do you have a place that your mind always goes back to when you are going through a rough time and just need to get away? Do you have "a house that built you"? For me, the answer to all of those questions, "the house that built me", is Camp Kahdalea. I have had the amazing opportunity to attend Kahdalea every summer for the past 13 years, and all the time that I have spend there is something that I will always cherish and hold very near and dear to my heart. I owe my parents everything for giving me the opportunity to grow-up at Kahdalea, because without it I would be lost. I have learned so much about my faith, my life and myself in general at camp. I don't want to say that I am wise, because I am probably the farthest thing from wise, but I do want to share what I have learned at camp with others because it has shaped me, it healed my brokenness and helped me discover who I am as a young woman.

          I recently received an email from my camp director, probably one of the most influential people in my live, with a proposition. Every year she receives email upon email from mothers of campers who are looking for wisdom about everything young women and girls in today's society are faced with. Questions are asked about peer pressure, making good choices, loving yourself, forgiving yourself and others, being true to yourself, and the list goes on and on. Anne thought that it would be a great thing for us (old-time Kahdaladies) to work on together because it is counselors who the campers often look up to for advice. (Because in their eyes we are the "old" wise ones.) So this is my attempt to put down in words what I have learned from camp and how these lessons have helped shape me into the young woman I am today. 

To my precious Kahdaladies,

                  I’m not exactly sure where to begin. I have so much that I want to say and so much that I feel needs to be said. I may not have had the pleasure to meet you or get to know you but we are similar. We share Kahdalea in some way, shape or form, which to me is one of the strongest bonds. I have attended Camp Kahdalea every summer since I was 8 years old, and now a 20-year-old junior in college I am proud to say that I can call Kahdalea my home and my safe haven. I by no means believe that I am wise when it comes to dealing with everything that life, adolescence, and young adulthood throws us, but I do have experience with these issues and the things that kept me strong and got me through those tough times were what I learned from over a decade at Camp Kahdalea. I want to share these things with you because I am so passionate about them. I know how rough things can get, I went through them too, and in writing this letter I want to help you know that you are strong and have such an amazing camp family to support you. I can’t promise what I have to say will help you, but I pray that is does. Kahdalea shaped me, as I am sure it did many of you.  I am so grateful that I have camp in my life, because without it I honestly do not know where I would be in life, or even who I would be. Kahdalea helped me discover who I am as a young woman of God, helped me find my faith, and taught me how to laugh, play, and the importance of setting your inner Tajar free.

So, here it goes. These are some of the most important things that I have taken to heart over the past 13 years that I want you to know.

1. It will be impossible to accept others' love until you first learn to love yourself: I was the young girl who could never accept me. I didn’t like the way I looked. I never thought that I was doing my best in school. I didn’t believe that I was worthy. I took the easy way out by putting up a shield. I could never believe when people told me I was beautiful or special, because I couldn’t believe it myself. Before I could accept the love that others wanted to give me, I had to believe that I was worthy of that love and that I deserved nothing less. This wasn’t an easy thing to do. In fact, I am still working on loving myself and I am 20 years old. Trust me, sweet girls, this isn’t easy to do, but it is so worth it. Take it one day at a time. Everyday, tell yourself one reason you are beautiful and special, and one reason that you deserved to be loved and why you deserve to love yourself. As a camp friend told me the other day, “beYOUtiful.” It is the first step that is the hardest, but you can do this!

              2. True friends accept you for who you are, and nothing less: This is one of the first things that I learned at camp. My first summer I remember being so nervous because I didn’t think anyone would like me. Looking back, that was one of the most ridiculous things I have ever thought. The Trufants do such an amazing job making Camps Kahdalea and Chosatonga places that cultivate and encourage creativity, originality and most importantly acceptance. I have met some of my best friends at camp, and there is such a depth and strength about those relationships as compared to other friendships because at camp no one tries to be anything but himself or herself. People aren’t afraid to act like complete fools, dress as pirates, and grown men and women find as much pleasure in playing capture the flag and assassination as the 8 year olds. Since people choose to be their true self and not what society thinks they should be, young men and women are able to build lifelong friendships based on honesty, trust, love and support. If someone can’t accept you for who you are, then they are missing out on getting to know an amazing young woman. Your camp friends are some of the truest and most pure friends that you will ever have. Don’t ever forget that and never take those friendships for granted.

               3. Kahdalea is not just any other summer camp, it is a family: Whether we know each other or not, we are family, Kahdalea connects us. Being a family, we support each other and are always there for each other.  I am sure that I am not the only person who has difficulty “bringing camp home with me.” We get so caught up in life and all the burdens that it gives us that we feel like we are so far from camp and can’t live like we do there. It is one of the most distressing things because we know that if only we could live as we do at camp, things would not be so hard, but for some reason we can’t find how to get back there. It is extremely important though that you engrave this into your mind, you are not alone. Like I said, camp is a family and families are there for one another, to support one another and to love one another, no matter the physical distance that separates us. You are only a phone call, email, or letter away. When you are having a rough time in school, or nothing seems to be going your way, know that you are not alone. Your camp family is always here to give you the love and support you need, whether it be from a cabin mate, a counselor or Mrs. Anne. Tell them you need them, and I promise you that they will be there for you. I don’t know how I could have gotten through the rough times of middle school, high school and even college if I didn’t lean on my camp family when I wasn’t strong enough to hold myself up on my own.

                       4. No matter how mad or upset at God you are, He will never turn you away: We all have our struggles and burdens. I have notice when these make more prominent appearances in our lives, we tend to ask the same set of questions. “Why me? Why is God putting me through all this? Where is God when I need him?” I do not know why we deal with the things that we do and the times that we do. It is important to know that no matter what you think, God is with you through all your rough times. It is easy to get mad at God when you are hurting and saddened because you want to believe that he wouldn’t let you feel that way. You need to know that no matter how angry you are with God, he will never give up on you. No matter how hard you try to push him away, he will never leave your side.  It is when we get through those rough times that we realize how strong we actually are and that God was there by our side the whole time, whether we realized it or not.

                      5.  Live in the moment: Life at Camp Kahdalea is simple and beautiful. I am sure we all know that. It is the type of place where you wake up with a smile on your face and go to bed with an even bigger smile on you face. At camp, we make a choice to live differently. We choose to live in that moment only, and not dwell on the past or worry about the future. I think that since we know our time is limited at camp, we realize the necessity of living in the moment, and doing this pays of. We are able to be happy and just realize how precious every single moment in is life. I know that it seems hard to do this back home, when life becomes busy and everything is so fast pace. It is important to realize, like we do at camp, once a day is gone we can never get it back. Make sure live for that moment and have something to show for it.

               6. Set your Tajar free: We all have a Tajar inside of us, tucked somewhere deep down in our heart scratching to be set free. The Tajar in us is the little voice telling us to let go, have fun, don’t take everything so seriously and to remember that we all have an urge for folly that needs to be fulfilled. At camp we are encouraged to let the Tajar out of hearts to play. There we play 24/7, laugh a lot, dance crazy, run around as pirates, and live with the folly that Tajar taught us about. Why is it that we never live like that at home though?  Is it that we are too afraid of what others might think? Or did we forget how to let the folly loose? We need to choose to let the Tajar loose, not just at camp, but at home as well. Let the folly fill your heart with laughter and happiness. Don’t forget about the Tajar, make him your friend. Set your Tajar free.

I wish I had all the time in the world so that I could talk about all of my experiences at Kahdalea and how they have turned me into the young woman that I am today. Since I don't, I hope those 6 simple lessons that I learned will suffice. I hope that what I wrote did something good for you whether it was to bring back memories that put a smile on your face, remind you of what you forgot about the magic of Kahdalea or give you the grace and courage to look forward with confidence and strength. In closing remember how loved you are and that we are all praying for you. Never forget that you are beautiful, you are quite enough, you are worthy of love and nothing less.

With all the love in my heart,

Elizabeth Antworth