Demons and Fears

          I am a firm believer that you can learn a great deal about where a person is in their life based on the music that they are listening to. I know for a fact that this is true of me. I am one of those people who you can tell what mood they are in just by looking at the music that they are listening to. My mood dictates my music and my music dictates my mood, it's of a cyclical nature. One of the songs that has been on my mind and on my iTunes recently is "Home" by Phillip Phillips, the winner of season 11 of American Idol. I'm sure most of you have probably heard this song because it is all over the radio, and if you haven't heard it, it is definitely worth the listen. Trust me on this one. 

          I am not so sure why this song has been so special to me recently, but I have a few ideas. Like I said earlier, my music correlates with my mood, and this whole year I have been pretty homesick and have felt like I was a bit lost. I'm a junior in college, and I am finally beginning to realize that in a year, I will be out of college and in "the real world." It is all going to be new, and unfamiliar. I know it is a long way away, but at the rate this year is going, graduation is going to be here before I know. I feel like in the blink of an eye, I will be graduating and saying goodbye to SLU. As much as I hate to admit it, I am growing up, "turning into an adult." I will be turning 21 this year, I have friends who are getting married, friends who are having children, friends moving away to get jobs and to begin the next chapter in their life. This is all so exciting, but it at the same time it scares me. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited for all that is yet to happen, but the idea of multiple blank chapters of life ahead of me causes a lot of fears to arise. In fact, I have a lot of fears in general. This isn't new for me, I am always afraid of something, not just the future, and I am guilty of letting those fears start to control my life, my anxiety is proof of this. There is part of the song "Home" that has been running through my thoughts over and over again. It must be another of those subtle signs that God is trying to send to me. These are the words:

"Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble it might drag you down

If you get lost, you can always be found"

          We all have our own demons, that stir up fears and insecurities within us. They know exactly where reach down into our hearts to find our insecurities and turn them into fears. These demons fill our life with fears and troubles and drag us down. These fears can be anything from a fear of the dark, or a fear of being alone. No matter what the fear is or how severe it is, when it arises, it is crippling in some way or another even if you don't want to admit it. 

          I have many fears, probably more than most people in fact. Some of them are realistic, and some of them frankly are completely irrational, but nonetheless they still awaken a sense of anxiety and distress within me. What exactly do I fear?

-Spiders                                                                    -Sharks
-Haunted Houses                                                    -Scary Movies
-Being Alone                                                            -Dying Young and Missing out on Life
-Not Being Good Enough                                       -Not being able to have children
-Failing                                                                    -Letting others down
-Losing People I Love                                             -Letting Go
-Being Forgotten                                                     -Not Making a Difference
-Rejection                                                                -Letting Myself Down

          Those are just a few of the many fears that I often find controlling my mind. Some of them are completely irrational and I know that. Like when am I ever going to be eaten by a shark? Just because they are irrational doesn't make the fear any less real.  The fear, is very much real, and often interferes with my everyday life. These fears may cause you to feel temporarily lost, but you can always be found. It is ok to have fears, I know this. But, it is not ok to let those fears take over your life. Although I don't think fears are good when they take over your life, I do think that sometimes fear can be a positive thing in your life. If they are not to overwhelming, they can inspire us to be strong and to overcome them. This is what I have been working on all semester and I challenge you to do the same. Don't let the demons fill you with fear, let them fill you with inspiration. I have worked really hard to believe this, and it has not been easy. But once you do this and realize that your fears are only as big and important as you let them be, you can feel this sense of freedom that will overtake your life and let you feel peace and joy and happiness.