Looking for the Unlocked Doors

           So this week has been far beyond exhausting. I started off my week with an exam in my Nursing Care for the Older Adult, which went fine, but was exhausting nonetheless. To follow up with that, was a test in Nursing Care for the Adult on Wednesday, which basically took over my life for the past week. It seems like sometimes the School of Nursing loves to make us stress out and feel like we are failing at life. For example, they love scheduling all are major tests within a week of each other. Next week I have the pleasure of stressing over a Nutrition exam and a Psych/Mental Health exam. Woohoo, life of a nursing student..... or not because we don't really have life at all. Along with all those tests, I have 6 hours of Psych clinicals every Saturday, and 12 hours of Geriatric clinicals every Thursday, oh and a simulation lab at 7 am next Friday. Although it is extremely exhausting and draining, it does pay off because clinicals only reaffirm to me that nursing is my calling. I absolutely love it and couldn't picture myself doing anything else with my life other than being a mother and a wife, way down the line in my future. I am very excited about next semester which is when I will get to take Maternity Nursing and Pediatric Nursing, which is what I want to do one day. At this moment I am looking at being Labor and Delivery nurse or a Pediatric Oncology nurse, maybe even a Nurse Practitioner. One day.... We will just have to wait and see where life takes me.

          Now, that I have ranted a bit about my crazy life as a nursing student, I can actually talk about what I wanted to talk about. All day at the hospital, when I had down time (which is more often than not in older adult clinicals) I kept thinking about what I wanted write about. This was what was getting me though the long and somewhat boring day, the moment when I got to curl up in bed in my pajamas under the christmas lights, writing my blog with a cup a coffee. I'm surprised how much I have missed being able to write every night and clear my head. So, now is my time.

          I've been thinking a lot lately about all the open doors that make appearances in my life. We have all heard the saying "When one door closes, another one opens." I do honestly believe that to be true, however, I hate how doors tend to close at the most inconvenient times. Just when you think things are going as planned and everything seems perfect, life couldn't go wrong, BAM, it does. And it seems like life just wants finds pleasure of laughing in your face. I know for me, when God closes a door in my face, I try to understand why. Why me? Why now? Why is my life becoming more complicated? I think one reason that I don't like doors to close is because I don't want to lose what is behind them. I know that may sound completely irrationable because the door is closed and therefore I have already lost whatever it is was behind that door. I just don't want to let go. I am the type of person who gets so caught up in trying to understand why a door closed in my life, that I don't even care to look at all the doors that are opening, waiting for me to explore the opportunities. It all goes back to the comfort thing. I like being comfortable and I am comfortable with what I know and what I am used to, and when that leaves my life I  feel out of control, vulnerable and scared. I don't like the idea exploring those "open doors" because I don't know what is going to happen.  I have come up with my own way to describe these doors, they are the closed, but unlocked doors. Doors close in my life, I know this. Doors also open, but I am too scared to walk through them, yet at least. I'm the type of person who likes to look through the window and see what it has to offer, but never likes to act on it because, frankly, I'm scared. So I close them, but keep them unlocked. I don't completely close my heart to the idea of pursuing them, I just need to work up the courage to do something about it. I need to open my heart up and stay open minded to what God has to offer, because who knows, behind those doors could be my future.

          I don't want to be the person who is so caught up on the past that they miss out on an amazing opportunity sitting right in front of them. I don't want to close doors just to leave them sitting unlocked. I want to have the courage and strength to explore those opportunities. All this came to mind the other day, when I decided I think I know what I want to do for the second half of the summer. Of course I will be at camp for at least half the summer but I now have this idea to do something that could be great and life changing. I don't want to mention what it is because I don't want to get my hopes up and not have it work out. However, there is a passion burning deep inside me and I really really hope that it works out. So, if I could ask you one thing it would just be to pray for me when trying to figure this out, and pray that if this is what I am suppose to do that it will all fall into place. I have a good feeling about this, and I will do everything possible to make sure that it happens.


p.s.- God is funny. As I was writing this, Welcome To Where You Are came on by Bon Jovi and the chorus is:

"Welcome to wherever you are

This is your life, you made it this far

Welcome, you gotta believe

That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be

Welcome, to wherever you are"