Subtle Signs

          I am a strong believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason and in the end, whatever is meant to be, will be. Although I do believe this, sometimes I get so emotionally caught up in everything that is happening around me and in my life that I forget this. How could something that is meant to be sometimes be so painful, lonely, or chaotic? I more often than not let those emotions overtake my life and my belief that things happen for a reason. I am probably not the only person who thinks this. It's funny though, because I know everything happens for a reason, and I also know that I probably won't now that reason in the near future. I feel like it is one of those things that 20 years down the road you look back and are like "Oh, OK, now I get it...." Although I know I probably wont find an answer anytime soon, it doesn't stop me from looking for that reason nonetheless. I want a "sign" from God that this is how everything is suppose to be and a "sign" that everything will be ok and there is no need to worry. But, what if looking for that reason is causing more pain that comfort? When do we stop?

          I've been praying a lot lately about where I am in my life right now and where I will be in the next chapter of my life and even who I am supposed to be. I'm guilty of asking God to just give me all the answers, to give me a sign that everything is going to be ok and that this is his plan for me. I just want to know what I am suppose to do and who I am supposed to be. If only life were that simple... I mentioned how often times I pray and ask God for a sign that everything is going to be ok. I think I expect some large extremely obvious sign, and so that is all I look for. In doing this I miss all the small subtle signs that come into my life on a daily basis. Maybe this "sign" isn't going to be some grand affair, maybe it is a bunch of subtle but persistent signs instead. I so often get caught up in looking for some large obvious sign, that I overlook and push aside the small subtle signs that come into my life on a daily basis. This is my life for the past few weeks. I've been praying for something to let me know everything is working out how it is supposed to be and asking about what I am suppose to do. Since asking about all of this, there has not been any fireworks in the sky, no light bulb over my head, no big obvious sign. However, I have had a bunch of subtle signs telling me it's ok to let go, to be happy, that to let go does not mean to forget, and whatever is meant to be will be in the end. I was watching a video that my brother told me about and online that really stuck out to me was "To reach your destiny, you have to crawl over your history." These little signs have come in the form of a video series my brother told me I needed to watch, my daily devotionals, songs that seem to come up all the time on itunes, conversations with my cousin and her husband,little emails and quotes my friends send me, even in a text conversation I had with one of my amazing little campers the other day. The list goes on and on. I can't say exactly when all this started, because it was only recently that I started to notice it. I noticed it when I actually started believing what they were trying to tell me. It is funny how things work out sometimes. You often have to lose yourself in order to find yourself, you have to hit rock bottom before you can realize how much you have going for you, you have to let something go before you can even dream of getting it back. Often times you have to lose hope, love, joy or peace, in order to actually be ready to have them in your life. Why it took me so long to realize this, I don't know. But I do know it now, and that is all that matters.

          My request for you is not to spend so much time looking for a large sign that this is how everything is suppose to be. Look for the subtle signs, they tell you everything.

p.s.- I took my little cousin, Jack, to see Wreck it Ralph yesterday which was adorable. But by far, my favorite part of the movie was the new disney short film that played before called "paperman" If you don't want to see the movie, I recommend going just to see the short. It was about what I'm talking about: whatever is meant to be will be. It is a love story about two stranger who are meant to be together and how nothing can stop what is suppose to be.